Hello.

I am writing this message from my father's house in Nebraska.  I came
home from Montreal to be with my family, but this was not the way I
wanted to show off my new baby.

my 16 year old brother... who had his license for a mere two fucking
weeks got into a verbal exchange and was run off the road by some 21
year old fuckwad who couldn't figure out that a 16 year old with a mouth
and his 15 year old best friend were so not worth getting that upset
over.

my brother ran into a tree going 85-90 and died of innternal bleeding. 
every bone in his body was broken.  luckily his neck broke as the
steering wheel was crushed against him so he felt nothing.

his best friend was simply unconscious with a broken leg, but the motor
was pressed against him blocking his airway.  due to the car being so
tangled it took 45 minutes to get him out.  so he was brain dead.  life
support was removed the next day.

I had to go to this gigantic double funeral for two boys who were pretty
much nerds.  my brother was a goddamned genius.  his best friend was
close enough.  the gym was filled.  they played that bone thugs &
harmony song, crossroads.  I hate rap, but he loved that song. 

I hugged the girls he loved and have a piece of the tree bark that
killed him.  I held his nephew that he never even got to see a picture
of and cried into his blankets.  my brother loved babies and damn was he
looking forward to being an uncle.

but the one thouugh that was in my mind during all of this was: "thank
god none of my suicide attempts worked"

I know more than a few members of this list suffer from massive
depressions.  me incluuded.  but please, don't ever ever ever put your
families through this.  lest you think "oh well, my family is different
they don't give a shit" well, we thought that too.  only me and my
brothers talked, no one else did. I don't think i could bear the pain if
I knew he chose to do this to us.

his laughter haunts my dreams, his voice echoes in the cold air, and his
smile won't leave my mind. this totally sucks.

the one thing that made me finally laugh was during the funeral my 13
year old brother leaned over and whispered... 

"today is the greatest..."

-wristy