Nurse:  Doctor, you're next patient is here. His name is Jigsaw Cool.

Dr. Catfish:  hmmmm, I can already see where the root of his problem is.
Send him in please.

Cool:   Hi doctor. I hope you can help me. I'm really troubled.

Dr. Catfish:   Ok, you came to the right place. What Smashing Pumpkins song
are you having trouble with?

Cool:  It's LILY!! I can't stand it. It's so...so...country...so ballad-ish...

Dr. Catfish:  hmmmm, ok let's start at the top. How does Lily make you feel
when you listen to it?

Cool:  Yesterday I was at this record store and they were playing it. I
started spazzing, then I started breaking things, next thing I knew I was
choking the cashier. The cops released me today on my own recognizance.
Doctor you gotta help me PLEASE!  Why did they have to put that on MCIS?
tell me, I'm so confused!

Dr. Catfish:  Ok, here's what we're gonna do. First, you have to shed your
pre-convictions about all the kinds of music you're not used to. Now, think
of the hero in the song as a rebel misfit with bright orange hair and black
nail polish, and he wears purple eyeliner just to piss the town folk off. 

Cool: hmmmm, ok. I'm begining to like him already. I see what you're trying
to do!

Dr. Catfish: He kinda looks like you and is about your age, he has a ray gun
in his  holster and he loves horses, you don't have a problem with that, do you?

Cool:  no!...horses are cool...

Dr. Catfish: Ok, let's make this even more rad. Imagine him riding his horse
backwards, you know, he likes to be a little different, he wants to get that
girl so bad, he's doing everything he can to attract her attention.

Cool:  hey, this is working! How about if we have Metallica in the
background somewhere, behind a cactus or something...humming this evil tune,
and then the sky turns red...

Dr. Catfish:  Shut up. Metallica is a good band but they don't belong in
this picture. Now,...you know the part where he's hanging from the tree as
she rides by in the chuck wagon with her Amish father?

Cool:  Huh? I know he hangs from a tree, but what's that other stuff?

Dr. Catfish:  Help me here, I'm trying to save your life! Now, you have to
imagine him hanging upside down from a tree branch, he's naked and he's
smoking a joint. He totally lusts for that girl and he's desperate, he's
singing to her as the wagon rolls by.

Cool: Cool!! But the music...it's so...

Dr. Catfish:  Well, the music is a natural part of the scenery. He's not
gonna sing an Aria to her, or a Black Sabbath tune, is he?  I mean if he
does, her father is gonna pull out the shotgun and shoot his silly ass down.
It's Texas, boy! Or Oklahoma or whatever. 

Cool: Yeah ok, the song IS cool! I hope she stops treating him like shit. Do
you think she gave a crap about him?

Dr. Catfish:  No. But the sherrif did. Him and his men came and dragged our
hero's ass off to a Michael Bolton concert as punishment. He ends up
stealing the deputy's gun and shooting himself to death because the
punishment was too cruel.  

Cool:  Bummer! But hey...Thanks!! I'm cured!! I love that song now. Now if
only we can somehow fit Metallica in there somewhere...

Dr. Catfish: ...old Metallica or new Metallica? ah hell, why not...whatever.
You owe me $150. 

Cool: Cool!!!

Dr. Catfish:  Nurse, take this guy's money and get him outta here please. 

The clinic is now closed. Gone fishin' <g>

Catfish

"...the impossible is possible...tonight"