Disclaimer:
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Catfish and Dr. Catfish are two distinct beings. We are not even related.
And even though his methods produce results, they are frowned upon by the
Behavioral Sciences Community. I shall do everything in my power to see that
his license is suspended, and to expose him for the quack that he is.  But
until that happens, here's another quacky case study.  These pieces are
posted for entertainment and enlightenment<?!> purposes only, and are not
meant to offend anybody.
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Nurse: Doctor, the next patient is waiting. His name is Rockme Nicely.

Dr. Catfish: hmmmmm, I bet he's one of those who have some kinda aversion to
the really hard rocking songs with hard core language. Send him in.

Nicely: Doctor, I'm glad you agreed to see me on such short notice. It's an
emergency!!

Dr. Catfish: No problem, you came to the right place. Help yourself to any
of those pills in the tray. Anyway, what Smashing Pumpkins song are you
having trouble with?

Nicely:  "Tales of a scorched earth". It's too...too...harsh, lyrically and
musically. I just can't get into it. It rubs me the wrong way. What can I do?
By the way, What are these little inkblot pieces over here at the edge of
the tray?

Dr. Catfish: Those are for my own use. Don't take those. Anyway, tell me...
how does it makes you feel when you listen to it?

Nicely:  Yesterday I could not skip TOASE when it came up on MCIS...I was
giving my dog a bath. When I heard the intro...I yanked at my dog's ear in
horror and he yelped in pain.   By the time the "WE'RE ALL DEAD, WE'RE ALL
DEAD" part came on...I had him in a choke hold and he was foaming at the
mouth.    By the 3rd time the "I LIE JUST TO BE REAL" refrain came on, I was
twirling him in the air by the tail.  Now I don't have a dog anymore, he ran
away...and the old lady across the street told the cops I perform satanic
rituals on my animals.  PLEASE help me like this song. I really want to!

Dr. Catfish: hmmmm. This is a tough one. To help you with this one you'll
have to sign a release form. We're gonna need to operate. God, I love to
operate!!

Nicely: What???? Is it that bad? Just tell me...what am I missing here? Is
it the music? Is it the lyrics?

Dr. Catfish: Look, if I alter the lyrics to make them more agreeable to you,
you won't mind the song that much. Not even the distrotion and the shrill
vocals. You find it offensive that the man yells out lines like "CAUSE
YOU'RE ALL WHORES AND I'M A FAG", you'll never catch yourself singing those
lines out loud, will you?

Nicely: uh...no...

Dr. Catfish: Ok, now since I can't and I won't alter the lyrics of the song,
I'm gonna have to resort to other, more controversial methods. You came here
to be cured, and we're committed to that. We're gonna have to operate!!!...

..and since your life is perfect, you have high self esteem, you've never
been in the dumps or severely depressed, never been stigmatized, traumatized
or brutalized, and since your dad loved you and cared for you, and your
mother did not abandon you, and since you have money, and you're not ugly,
and you have lots of friends...I gotta find ways to make you as miserable as
I possibly can. By the time I'm finished with you, not only will you love
TOASE but you'll adopt it as your fight song. Do you trust me?

Nicely: um...yeah <!?>...

Dr. Catfish: Ok, I'm now gonna apply the anesthesia. You won't feel a thing.
Count to six.... Nurse,...scalpel! Man do I love this part!!

Six hours later....

Dr. Catfish: Ok, can you hear me? You're coming to. Open your eyes.

Nicely: uh...what happened?

Dr. Catfish: I helped you take the first step towards recovery. I could not
give you anguish, alienation, self loathing, self hate, or a sense of being
born to suffer, so I did the next best thing. From now on, you'll be one of
the angriest men that ever lived. You'll have enough piss and vinegar to
last a lifetime.

Nicely: What did you do? What the hell did you do?

Dr. Catfish: It's working already -:) 

Nicely: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME??

Dr. Catfish: I hung your balls from your ears like earrings.

Nicely: WHAT??? YOU MOTHERFUCKIN QUACK, YOU AND YOUR WHORE NURSE RUINED MY
FUCKIN LIFE FOR EVER %$#$%#$$#% 

Dr. Catfish: Yeah! That's it! Now say it louder...like you really mean
it...come on...you are angrier than that!

Nicely: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST LET ME BE....LET ME DIE INSIDE....

Dr. Catfish: Yeah...that's it! This is not what the song itself is about,
but at least now you know what WRATH sounds like!

Nicely: LET ME KNOW THE WAY <shreak> FROM THIS WORLD OF HATE IN YOU!!!

Dr. Catfish <teary eyed - sniffle>: this is my best work yet!

Nicely: SO FUCK IT ALL 'CAUSE I DON'T CARE, SO WHAT SOMEHOW SOMEWHERE I DARED...

Dr. Catfish: Do you mind if I publish this case study in the Journal of
Behavioral Sciences? It's my greatest triumph. 

Nicely: I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

Dr. Catfish: Thanks! I knew it'll work. Take care, and let's go to the beach
sometime. I haven't opened up my lungs and sang as hard as I could in a long
time. We can go totally primal and scream TOASE out loud to the surf, the
wind, the open sky, and the endless stretch of ocean. Let's plan on it.

Nicely: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

Dr. Catfish: I did deviate a bit from the true spirit of the song to help
you, but the effects of our procedure today will apply NOT ONLY to
TOASE,...but to ALL past, present and future angst songs. You will never
complain about them again. 

Here's a coupon for 20% off on you next visit. Have a nice day!


Dr. Catfish

"bless the martyrs and kiss the kids...for knowing better ...for knowing this"

Thanks to K.W. and B.M. for help with this one.
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PS: If these posts bug you, please tell me to stop. There's only one more,
the third and last part of a trilogy. It deals with SP's "French Movie
Theme". Then the clinic will be closed for good. Thank god.  --Catfish