ahhhh! ok, well before anything i'm going to respond to the disarm lyrics..

i could do a full length interp on disarm, man, billy's the best lyric 
writter who ever fucking lived, and putting that abortion situation to those 
lyrics made them look pathetic, and they're not pathetic. "cut that little 
child" means bringing him out, there's a child in all of us. disarm is a 
reflection on the past, you look back and you're glad all that happened 
"what i choose is my choise" and those choises make up who i am now. that 
little child inside was my innocence. that's my meaning to disarm. actually 
that's just the lyrical part but anywayz...

rite now i'm taking in this whole situation. it's a pretty aweful thing 
that's happened, we all know that. i don't blame jimmy, i don't blame 
jonathan, i don't blame drugs, there's no one to blame here. it just 
happened. there's alot of blaming and loss of respect going on and i'm 
really sorry to hear that, why should you lose respect for someone when you 
never knew them in the first place. heroin is a bad problem, it's not like 
alot of other drugs where you can go to rehab and wake up and say "well 
those dayz are up" and just quit, it's not that easy w/ heroin. giving jimmy 
the time to go settle the damn thing once and for all is the bestest they 
could have done, i know it, we all know it, and yes it sux, and yes i think 
jimmy's the fucking best drummer and that no replacement is ever going to 
make up for him, but at this point i know that his life is far more 
important and i wish him the best of luck and i have alot of repect for him, 
that's a horrible thing that happened to him, the thing is that it's not a 
matter of just waking up and saying "ok, i'm never shooting heroin again" 
that's just a part of it. anywayz, i've got alot more than this simple 
opinion and so fuck this shit, i'm done w/ talking about it, i'm just going 
to write a fucking poem.
---*---

jimmy

silence rings thru pupils stretched wide round gleaming blue boarders.
sneeking behind scraps of silver, rotten white saphires.
ruby tounge bite, licks the wounds, carving it thru his shuddering skin.
wide open, unconscious. limps under ice cold water rushing down clean marble 
faucets. their glimmers go unnoticed. 
they retreat themselves to the back room, where walls were once sprayed in 
rainbow colors. 
i moan here, far places, the begging of a wavering blue tunnel.
and i think of walking down, and reaching the edge where i'll look down into 
a blank cluster of empty space. look around, shhh, don't tell anyone.
he's trapped in the sphere, and the light beams thru and fuck, it hurts his 
eyes. and fuck, it hurts my eyes too. and there's no shade in this 
dialation, just beams, beams and more beams. shut tite and it's still there. 
shut tighter and it's till there. 
nose to the ground he slips his hands securly over his head and flops to his 
knees.
pools of clear liquid fill to the rim, cracking hysterically, ha ha ha HA!
fuck you, it's not a joke. ha ha ha HA! FUCK YOU, IT'S NOT A JOKE!
HA HA HA HA!!! 
fuck you joke. 
look at him! LOOK AT HIM!!
turning and twisting shaking to get up, shaking to shatter it into diamonds, 
like the one you find after car accidents. 
i'll take you into a world that is square, 
everything just falls off the edge and disapears in a puff like when the 
magician waves his wand.
well my silly fool jester, my love, he waves his little silly wand and we're 
all smoke. 
he did though, he keeps walking. 
and around he comes, if you shut up you can sometimes here his unsteady 
short little breaths.
off into the twilight, he's calling his own name,
and he's free to go all by himself.
---*---

ahhh, i feel alot better now. well all i have left to say is that we've 
gotta keep ourselves together and be here for them. the only way the band 
will stay together is if we stay together, they're out there for us now, and 
i'll support them forever. the pumpkins are still the best, they still mean 
everything to me. i care as a human being and i care as a HUMAN BEING, and 
we're all greedy and selfish and we all care and love and we all make 
mistakes and we all do great things but ultimatly this is who we are. i love 
you all and jimmy too. don't give up, don't ever give up, keep believing and 
dreaming and loveing and needing, and we need the pumpkins and they need us 
and they'll be there for us, so let's be there for them.

w/ love dreafuct


*carressing soft particles of sticky dew, it melded into my fingertips.
sending my small wave of sorrow shimmering in the dark.
i know it's the end but it will start again, 
that we both know and we both know me...I'm here and there's nothing you can 
do about it...

Dreafuct (forever)*  -once again, you'll pretend to know that, that there's 
an end, that there's an end to this begin, it will help you sleep at nite, 
it will make it seem that rite is always rite, alrite....-wocoan...
-i need a word to say what i can't say...*DAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH -xyu