Nurse: Dr. Catfish I'm sorry,...I know you're busy with Dr. Wristy
discussing god knows what, but we have a bunch of impatient patients out
there anxious to see you. Can you cut the crap and see some of them?

Dr. Catfish: God Genevieve, can't you give'em some mints or cigarettes or
beer or something to hold them off a little longer? Dr. Wristy was just
about to agree to let me be her gynacologist.  Are they listessa members?

Nurse: No, they're walk-ins. And I gave them mints, beer, pizza, made them
popcorn,...even did a song and dance routine for them. I'm running out of
ideas and I can't hold them off any longer. 

Dr. Catfish: Alright dammit, we don't have much time. We'll have to treat
them as emergency cases. Dr. Wristy is an ER resident physician, she'll help
me. Send the first one in.

Nurse: The first patient's name is Kerr Razy. He has a problem with 1979.

Kerr Razy: Doctor...you gotta help me. My friends say that since I was born
in 1980, I was born one year too late to appreciate 1979. They say it does
not apply to me. Is that true?  I LOVE the song, but I'm worried they're right.

Dr. Catfish: Dr. Wristy, what do you say to this?

Dr. Wristy: Which month in 1980?

Kerr Razy: I was born in June.

Dr. Wristy: hmmmm, then you were conceived in September of 1979. It doesn't
matter when you were born. All that matters is when yo mama got knocked up.
Too bad your dad didn't use contraceptives. He would have spared us having
to deal with you today. Go tell your friends you're cool enough to hang with
them.

Dr. Catfish: Next!

Nurse: The next patient says Apathy's Last Kiss is the most meaningless SP
song ever. His name is Lou Nee.

Lou Nee: Doctor, how can anybody solve anything by burying their heart in a
hole? I seriously doubt that I'll ever feel better if I "lie with the stars
in my eyes". It's just sentimental bullshit!

Dr. Catfish:  Wristy...he's all your yours. Mess him up pretty good. Go
ahead, be my guest.

Dr. Wristy: I have one word for you Lou: Vasectomy! There are enough loonies
in this world. Come see me in my office on Wednesday . I'll fix you real
good. I've been too busy to work on my Bonsai tree, so I'd love to get to
use my little scissors again. God I love to snip'n'clip and tie neat little
knots!

Dr. Catfish: I admire your directness Dr. Wristy. There is a certain charm
in that. Your patients must really love you.

Dr. Wristy: Those who are alive...do.

Nurse: The next victim says that she is offended by the language in Slunk.
She says Billy is trying to sound callous and tough by repeating the word
motherfucker. Her name is Luna Tick. 

Luna Tick: Whatever happened to the sweet Billy who gave us "Sweet Sweet"
and "Luna"? That's my favorite Billy!

Dr. Catfish: Luna is a beautiful song, so is Sweet Sweet. But why not let
the man sing like he talks? Like most of his fans talk? What offends you
about the word motherfucker?

Luna Tick: I don't know...it's too vulgar, too much of a street word. It
makes my skin curl whenever I hear it

Dr. Catfish: Sweet Jesus. Go back to your sheltered life sweet thing. Go
back to where you belong, before you get hurt. Consider picking up a Michael
Bolton CD on your way home. 

Nurse: One more! This patient says that when she plays Quiet backwards...she
hears Jimmy saying "quench my thirst!", and that she hears James discussing
the different flavors of the different blood types. She is not convinced
that A+ is the tastiest. She also says that she hears D'Arcy talking about
sinking her teeth into her rag dolls as Billy chants in a transylvanian
accent. Her name is Elle Vira. She wants confirmation that what she hears is
real.

Elle Vira: Man, I tell ya, Billy is Lestat! He is a living breathing
vampire! Have you seen all the art work in MCIS? Wake up and smell the
plasma! I love it!

Dr. Wristy: Honey, come here. Now listen to me Elle. Take these pills home,
take one pill out, hold it between your index finger and your thumb, then
ingest the rest of the pills! That's 23 pills per dose, so wash'em down with
water. Call me in the morning!

Elle Vira: But the label says Cyanide!

Dr. Wristy:  oooops. It's a typo. It's supposed to be Sayonara, as in
goodbye troubles! Trust me. You'll be over this vampire pumpkins thing over
night. Good night now.

Dr. Catfish: Well, you handled that pretty well Wristy, where did you learn
that?

Dr. Wristy:  Well you know....Dr. Kevorkian is my mentor. He still calls me
to help him with the tough cases.

Dr. Catfish: Anyways, we're done!  Where were we?  Ah yes...would you let me
be your gynacologist?

Dr. Wristy: Only if you let me be your proctologist!

Dr. Catfish: Forget it. Uh uh. No deal.

Dr. Wristy: Good. Now if you'll excuse me, Pepi is all bent over by now. I
gotta go. Thanks for letting me sit in on this. It was a good experience!

Nurse: There goes one terrific doctor. She terrifies the daylights out me.

Dr. Catfish: Nah, she's a sweetheart. Lestat taught her well. Speaking of
dinner, lend me your neck Genevieve, won't you? Your A- beats a V8 in a
taste test any day of the week!


Dr. Catfish

"We only come out at night"