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...Taking on Spaced - "Catfish"
Dr. Catfish's Clinic by "Catfish"
1996-07-01


Nurse:  Doctor, the next patient has read through all the magazines, and
she's threatening to leave if you don't see her right away!

Dr. Catfish: Well, I'm not done reading my magazines over here! Who is she?

Nurse: Her name is JoeDee, and she is from listessa. 

Dr. Catfish:  Ah...in that case send her in right away! Listessans are my
favorite victims...er..patients.

JoeDee:  Hello Doctor, first of all...I need to ask you this: WHY are you on
listessa?

Dr. Catfish: what?

JoeDee: You are 41 years old, and you stick out like a sore thumb among us
the younger crowd,...don't you feel out of place?

Dr. Catfish: For your information JoeDee, there are at least 5 married
couples on listessa that I know of,...and many more lurking I'm sure.  And
there are a few members who are OLDER than I am, and many others who are in
their thirties. Not to mention that Billy himself is pushing thirty, and the
other band members are no teenagers either. Nothing against teens, just
don't card me please, I belong there as much as anybody.

JoeDee: Chill out dude, I just asked a simple question.

Dr. Catfish:  Hey, this has nothing to do with age. The music itself is
universal. It appeals to all of us...young and old, Brazilians, French,
Koreans, and even people from other planets like Californians and Martians...

JoeDee: Enough already! Are you gonna listen to my problem or not? 

Dr. Catfish: grrrr....Arrrgh, ok. What can I do for you? 

JoeDee: I came here because I have a problem with "Spaced". Billy slurs and
mangles all the words, and I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. I
love all the other SP songs, but what's up with that song?

Dr. Catfish: I don't know.

JoeDee: Excuse me?

Dr. Catfish: How would I know what he's talking about? have you ever written
poetry or just rambled to nobody about nothing in particular? Have you ever
turned out the lights in your room, plugged in the microphone in the
amplifier and just blurted out any thoughts or words that came to your mind?

JoeDee: um...I've written some poetry but not that way...

Dr. Catfish: Well, it's about time you do. Here...grab this microphone and
follow me. 

<he opens the door to the tiny medicine storage room, ushers her
in, then walks out and closes the door behind him, locking her in>.

Dr. Catfish: OK, I'm going fishing for a couple of hours. Turn out the
lights, turn on the amplifier, and have fun with that microphone. Use it as
a rocket to free you from your own gravitational pull...after that you're on
your own to explore the remote outposts of your mind and sample the echoes
of your life. Bye!

JoeDee: LET ME OUT YOU ASSHOLE! HEY...GET BACK HERE!! I'M GONNA TURN YOU IN
TO THE COPS...YOU QUACK! I feel like I'm in a prison cell...hey....

..is this mike on?

hmmmmm, strange....
..they mock me
the shadowless ushers of darkness mock me
the thundering silence is blinding
I teeter on the edge of the abyss
Wooaaaooaaaoooowwwoooa
i am ether 
i am cerebral ink
hear me think
I hate your intrusion you fuck
you remind me of what's her face
rah rah rah..........
satan is a cartoon of biblical proportions
I'll never live you down
I'll never get over your pain threshold
my mind is slurpy....
free at last, free at last
my mind is slippery
slip slide, slip slide....

.....two hours later, Dr. Catfish comes into his office, walks over to
the medicine room, and opens the door.

JoeDee: wooooh....wow! That was something!!

Dr. Catfish: how did it go?

JoeDee: "was I ever alive?" I just went the distance for the first time
ever! I've finally gone to the edges of sanity...and back! I've been to the
far reaches of my mind. What a fertile land it is, full of wonder and
magnificent waterfalls of creative abundance. I seriously never ever let go
like this before! It was so unreal...like seeing the face of god! I cried as
I flew from outpost to outpost and surveyed my kingdom from above. I saw
fields teaming with beautiful shimmering ideas, I heard the music that is my
life, I ate the magic mushrooms that are my emotions....and I frolicked in
the tall grass of the meadows within. I flew from end to end in my inner
space. I couldn't believe...that ALL OF THAT IS ME! I've never known me
before. Not like this!

Dr. Catfish: WOW! No more deprivation or isolation for you!! You have been
"Spaced"! You do not need outside help anymore. You are now in permanent
orbit. ......we have lift-off, and Houston...we have no problems!  

JoeDee: Shut the fucking door. I'm not done yet. Get lost.

Dr. Catfish: Man, I'm so good I can't stand myself. And I'm so bad that I
can finally live with myself. I like me. Life is good! I fuckin rawk!
 


"set the controls for the heart of the sun"  --Pink Floyd

"Planet earth is blue...and there's nothing I can do"  --David Bowie

"I am mercury liquid pure"  -- Billy corgan

Dr. Catfish

Thanks Jody for co-writing this one :)
"I fuckin rawk" is a battle cry that I picked up from Wristy:)
----------------------------
The doctor needs a long long break so as not to dilute the quality<?!> of
these posts. In a couple of weeks, Beavis and Butthead come to the SP song
clinic, and also a few more listessa head cases <g>.




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