Nurse: Doctor, your next patient has just set himself on fire! 

Dr. Catfish: hmmmmm I bet he's one of those fundamentalist hezbollah type
rockers. Send him in quick! What's his name?

Nurse: He signed in as Spazmic Zealot. He's coming in. 

<patient enters Dr. Catfish's office, takes a seat, still on fire>

Dr. Catfish: What's the meaning of this?

Zealot: People take "Hell" lightly. This is my way of reminding you all what
to look forward to!

Dr. Catfish: May I have your Credit Card now? You may be a pile of ashes
before we're done here. I have bills to pay ya'know.  

.thank you. Now that we're all paid up, what can I do for you? Would you
like a glass of water?

Zealot: Billy will burn hell!  How dare he say God is empty? How could he
intimate that God is helpless? If he wants eternal damnation that's fine,
but kids listen to him and are influenced by him...he's a pied piper to hell!

Dr. Catfish: um...would you please hold these chestnuts for me? I love fire
roasted chestnuts. Thanks. Now,...you are refering to Zero and God, aren't you?

Zealot: It's his whole attitude. Just because he has problems, it doesn't
mean that he can blaspheme and spread lies about God and his creations. Your
chestnuts are done, where do you want them?

Dr. Catfish: Keep one for yourself and put the rest on this plate please.
Let me ask you this:  why do you listen to the music? why do you hang around
SP fans? Billy is not the first to express doubt about God not being there
for him at certain times in his life, why do you make it your mission to set
us all straight on this?

Zealot: First and foremost I love the music. I'm a rock boy too ya know. To
me the heavy numbers are songs of Armageddon, and the soft numbers are
lullabyes from heaven.  I mean when I hear "Ode to no One", it's like
listening to a "Dies Irae" (wrath of God) from any of the Requiems. The man
is talented. He can still move me emotionally, he just pisses me off with
his misguided notions of God being nothing but a figure head who is
apathetic and/or helpless to aid his subjects.

Dr. Catfish: First of all, I don't know that Billy believes in god or not,
or what he means exactly by what he says. Frankly, it's none of my business
to know that. I get my own meanings out of what he says. But you are my
patient, and I care that you get to a point where you're at peace with the
song's lyrical content...

Zealot <interrupts>: That would be a little miracle! 

Dr. Catfish: Shut up! Hold on to these marshmellows and don't
inter-fuckin-rupt me. Now, when the man says "God is empty just like me",
he's only saying that "HIS god" is empty...just like he feels. It doesn't
mean that "your god" is empty. 

Zealot: My god is NOT empty, and there is only ONE GOD and he created man in
his image!

Dr. Catfish: Not true! The catholic God is different than the moslem God,
which is different than the protestant God. And none of these gods even come
close to what the real creator is. Nobody alive has met him. He's like the
Cabal (you have your Cabal...and I have mine).

Zealot: There is no Cabal, but there is a God!

Dr. Catfish:...look DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR WHAT BILLY IS LIKE!  YOU
OBJECT BECAUSE YOU FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM!  Like you wanna die on the
cross for him, or set yourself on fire for him, and he's supposed to be ever
grateful for it.  Just let him say what's on his mind and leave it at that.
Billy's god is created in Billy's image.

Zealot:  I know that. That's why I'm here. Now, what can you do to help me
live with this?

Dr. Catfish <grabs the fire extinguisher and puts the guy's fire out>:
first, it's important to stay cool...literally. We're lucky the sprinkler
system didn't go off. I better check the battery in that crappy smoke alarm.

.now, we both know that God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and allmighty, right?

Zealot: Right.

Dr. Catfish: If god is all that, then he can be both here and there, within
you and without you, ying and yang, full...and empty, right?

Zealot: right <?!>

Dr. Catfish: God is the creator AND is also his own creations, right?

Zealot: Right!

Dr. Catfish: God loves Billy, and all his other creations, right?

Zealot: Right!!!

Dr. Catfish: And if god is not pissed at Billy for saying what he says in
his songs, why the fuck do you care?

Zealot: Right <?!?>

Dr. Catfish: Look, you're really making much ado about nothing. Just go
home, be at peace with yourself, and let god be the judge. By the way, now
that you lost all your hair, it's amazing how much you look like Billy!

Zealot <with a big smile>: I do???

Dr. Catfish: Hell yeah! 

Zealot: Thanks doc! I don't know how or why, but I feel like a load has been
taken off of my shoulders! I guess I'm under constant presure to live up to
some role or attitude I've burdened myself with. I'm just gonna make peace
with my god, and allow everybody else to do the same in their own way.

Dr. Catfish: That's it! Now, just to reinforce what we just learned...repeat
after me:

God is here
God is there
God is Full
God is Empty
God is all powerful
God is as helpless as me....

Zealot: Ditto! Wow...they're just a bunch of words!

Dr. Catfish: Exactly! Now here's a little broom and a dust pan. Sweep your
own ashes and get the hell outta here. 

Dr.Catfish

"so save your prayers...for when you're really gonna need'em"