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These pieces are posted for entertainment and enlightenment<!?> purposes
only, and are not meant to offend anybody. 
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Nurse: Doctor, the next patient is getting antsy. His name is Tite Assss.
He's all serious looking, but he's...oh so cute!

Dr. Catfish: hmmmm I bet he's one of those "purists" who only like it one
way, and won't even have vegetables with his meat and potatos. What's so
cute about that? Ok, send him in.

Assss: Doctor, I'm appalled at the yuppie Dead Can Dance music playing in
the lobby. This is supposed to be a Smashing Pumpkins clinic, what's going
on here?

Dr. Catfish: <dumbfounded at what he just heard> I've heard people
categorize Dead Can Dance music as gothic...but never yuppie. It's even
played in gothic clubs in L.A. that you won't even dare set foot in. I
personally play it because it sounds good and makes me feel good. Do I look
yuppie to you? hmmmm....anyway, help yourself to one of these inkblot pieces
at the edge of the tray. You need one. Take three. Nurse, ready to take notes?

Nurse <nods affirmatively and smiles,...cannot take her eyes off of the
handsome patient>

Dr. Catfish: So, what brings you here dude?

Assss: It's French Movie Theme. It makes me sick! I mean how can the band
that brought us Starla, X.Y.U, Siva, TOASE, Ode to no one, and many other
classics...even think of putting this crap out? It brings Billy down in my
eyes from the ranks of the Gods down to a mere human! What were they
thinking of when they made this song?  ***

Dr. Catfish: um...croissants?  May be they were stuck in a hotel in Paris,
having breakfast and watching this silly french movie, they were having fun
fooling around and had nothing better....

Assss: <interrupting the good doctor>: But they're messing with rock history
here! This will go down on their permanent record along with the good songs!
Besides...I don't speak a word of French!

Dr. Catfish <staring at the guy in disbelief...then snaps out of visualizing
using Spanish Inquisition type remedies on him>...ok look, obviously you're
too stiff to respond to conventional methods, so...just sign this release
form....

Nurse: DOCTOR PLEASE NO!!  He's so cute!...er...I mean give him other options!

Dr. Catfish: grrrr...argh...ok, we'll do something different. So, you don't
want the inkblot thingies, huh? How about some "Draino" to clear your throat?

Nurse: Doctor...BEHAVE!

Dr. Catfish: Ok, let's try a new technique. I'm gonna play French Movie
Theme and hopefully we can alter your perception of the song. After every
verse Billy sings, we're gonna interject a rap line, yes a rap line...that
we make up on the fly...

Assss: WHAT VERSES? All he says is yaya yaya ya...yaya yaya ya...Bon jour! 

Dr. Catfish: Don't interrupt, you understand? We don't have much time.
Ok, here goes. I'll do the first few verses then you do the next. Nurse,
play the song please...

Billy sings: yaya yaya ya

Dr. Catfish raps: I'm-gonna-whip-yo-butt--mutha-butter...

Billy sings: yaya yaya ya

Dr. Catfish raps: yo--from-here-to-mutha-calcutta..

Nurse: Dr. Catfish....why don't you let me handle this. He's NOT responding
to your methods. May be I can help. Just introduce me to him formally and
I'll take it from here, ok? take the day off, you need time off. Just go, go!

Dr. Catfish: oh well, I can use the time off. Ok,...hey Tite Asss...this is
Genevieve, she's french...she'll take it from here. She's very qualified.
She's conducted and published many studies on Intercultural Musical
Influences...

Assss: But she's only a nurse!

Dr. Catfish: Have you taken a closer look at my diplomas that are hanging on
this wall?  Did you notice the one issued by the "Happiest Place On Earth"
and signed by Mickey Mouse? I ain't no real doctor either you moron. BUT WE
KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!  She'll take care of you. Goodbye cruel world, I'm
going fishing.

One hour later...Dr. Catfish walks into his office and finds his nurse and
his patient lying naked on the couch looking spent and smoking cigarettes.
The patient has a silly smile on his face.

Dr. Catfish: oh...excuse me, I forgot my fishing rod...I'm just gonna grab
it and leave.

Assss: Mais oui!!

Dr. Catfish <taken aback>: I thought you didn't speak a word of French! You
do now???

Assss: yaya yaya ya!

Dr. Catfish: Well I'll be damned. Wipe that stupid smile off your face!!

Assss: yaya yaya ya!

Dr. Catfish:  Genevieve! You did it my friend! I tip my hat to you!

Nurse: Yaya yaya ya!

Dr. Catfish: Well, we got the job done. This stiff has some life flowing
through him for the first time in his life! You sure did loosen his bullets
Genevieve. You should run your own clinic! But then I'll miss you like hell.
Just forget it. Goodnight.

Assss: Bon jour!

Dr. Catfish: This is getting sillier by the minute. But what the heck,
another satisfied customer. Do you like French Movie Theme now?

Assss: yaya....hell YA!!!

Dr. Catfish: Good...just don't mess up my couch. Safe therapy everybody. Ciao.

*** Thanks Eric A. for that croissant exchange <g>
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Coming soon: Zero and God on the mind of another patient. The doctor takes
no prisoners in that one.