BILLY'S COMMENCEMENT SPEECH

        It's graduation day at Mellon Collie High School in the Land of
Listessa.  The day dawns bright, and everyone is walking in the sun.  All
the proud parents, well-wishers, King Karl and Prince Eric of Wisconsin, are
beginning to gather at the Judas Priest Field House for the commencement
ceremonies.  Present also are Catfish, Wristy, Brooke Butler and many other
Listessans, ready to see off the droves of new graduates who will now enter
the world to live their lives.
       
         At the head of the class, in his traditional Zero shirt, is Billy
Corgan.  He didn't actually graduate from MCHS, but since he is the reason
for the foundation fo the entire land, he is now graduating as honorary
valedictorian of the Class of '96, and will give the commencement speech.
The class marches to the floor of the stadium, also wearing Zero shirts, to
the sound of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.
      
         Once everyone is somewhat settled, Billy steps up to the
microphone, tapping it. "Wow," he says, "you're a rowdy bunch of
motherfuckers, aren't you?  Well, I'm certainly glad I don't have my
electric guitar here.  Things might get out of hand."  The crowd laughs as
the school board--D'arcy, James, and Jimmy--smile to themselves at the wit
of this Great One.
       
         "Seriously, though.  I'm very honored and delighted to be here
today, and I hope you're all having a good time. As I wish you new graduates
the best in the world that is now drawn into your hands, I look back on my
own high school life.  I realize that it's too late to turn back now, but
the memories will be forever beautiful to me.  Ah, yes, I once knew the
emptiness of youth.  I remember carving out my heart for keeps in an old oak
tree.  I remember when, in the back of the car, the angel dust was given
back to the stars.  Yes, I remember when I used to be a little boy, and I
had no idea that all our time can't be given back.  But that was in the
past, and while my eyes never forget to see behind me, I know that we must
all move ahead.
        
        "Every student here has chased the charmed.  You have learned that
you should have listened to what you were told.  It is time for you to go
out and bleed in your own light.  The time of dreaming of your own life is
past.  And we all now know that we can't wait for the past.  I want to tell
every student in this class that you can now do what you want to do and say
what you want to say.  The secrets of your dreams must now become apparent.  
        
          "I know that this is the end of an era for all of you.  I,
personally, have witnessed the end of many eras.  I realize that some of you
may feel like the kings of doom.  But you can't blame yourself for wanting
more. I know that you may break your back for what you can't have. But today
must be remembered as the greatest day you've ever known.  It is the day
that you will begin to prove yourselves to the rest of the world.  Even if
you come to find out that the world is a vampire.  You must remember to
forgive when it is necessary and not to become lost in your teenage dreams.
        
        "I want to believe in you all.  I know that you have been blown away
with how quickly time has passed.  But time is never really time at all.
And all things must surely have to end. Your high school career is over.
You will now embark on the journey of your lives.  As far as you take me,
that's where I'll believe.  You'll all make it.  I know you can.
        
        "And in conclusion, though your lives are forever changed, I know
that you will hold back the fool inside you and go on to lead very
productive lives.  I hope you very successful and can look back at your days
as fondly as I look back on mine.  And even if you make mistakes, make sure
that you don't disconnect from the world.
        
        "There's nothing left to say, and all we've left to do is toss our
caps!"  The class tosses their caps into the air, jubilant that their lives are 
now beginning.  The audience claps and cheers.  Billy taps the mic again, and,
flashing a smile and a peace sign, screams, "I REALLY LOVE THE USA!"

THE END.

"Everything I've ever said
And everything I've ever done
Is gone and dead
As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world."
                
                        --Billy Corgan, Muzzle