I hardly write to Lissy, but today I really need to.

I wasn't one of those people who cried for days when I heard The Smashing
Pumpkins were breaking up.  Of course I was upset, but I suppose I saw it
coming.  The thing is that when I heard the news, I was still seeing them
twice at Summersault, so it wasn't quite the end.  I came to a sad realization
in Vancouver when they were in the middle of their set.  I had been at the
front of the mosh pit the whole day struggling to breathe and stay conscious so
I would still be at the barricade for SP, but when they came on I slowly got
pushed away from them to the point where I had such a shitty view.  I had a
sign I'd worked so hard on which read "As the Curtain Falls We Bid You All
Goodnight" , but I was so far to the side that they couldn't see it.  It has
been my dream for years to give Billy the letter I wrote him or to meet him and
thank him for everything.  I thought at the concert "I was foolish to think I
could ever get close to Billy."  At this point my body was aching and I could
barely stand up until they played Drown.  I pushed my way to the front, held up
my sign and he finally saw it. A security guard put my letter on the stage.

In Edmonton my friend Joanna and I decided to save our energy for SP and  
waited until Our Lady Peace before we went into the pit.  Besides, we were  
so bruised up from Vancouver that having people touch us was so painful.   
After OLP I had two copies of my letter put on the stage.  I was third from  
the front when one guy in front of me asked if I could see.  I said "no, but  
that's okay" and he pushed me in front of him and said "I figure if you're a  
big enough fan to give Billy a letter, you deserve to be upfront"  It was so  
sweet I started crying, especially after I had been so disillusioned by the  
whole thing, being a huge fan and being pushed off to the side, unoticed.  I  
managed to survive the pit again and somehow all the pain disappeared except  
for the pain of knowing this was the end, that they were leaving me and so  
many other dedicated fans.  I held my sign up again and again; they saw it.   
Some people got mad at me because they couldn't see, so I took it down and  
put it up for small intervals.  I bawled the whole concert especially when  
they played Mayonaise.  It was like a knife jabbing into my heart as he  
waved goodbye and dissapeared from sight.  I hung around the stage a bit,  
too sad to move, then left crying with my head hung low staring at the  
ground.  An 'Event Staff' person saw me and asked "What did you lose?" 
"The Smashing Pumpkins"  I said. 

NOW I'll be crying for days.
                                               
This is not to say the concert wasn't absolutely amazing (a word that barely  
manages to describe it), how couldn't it be? I just feel like my dreams have  
been shattered; there was always that hope of thanking Billy for everything,  
but now I feel as though I'll never get the chance.  I just pray he got my    
letter.
                                                                     
There was one thing that cheered me up a bit, I was in the Edmonton Journal:
  
PUMPKIN PRESERVE
  
Gabrielle Davidson (that's me), 18, clutched a folded sign dedicated to her  
favorite band, the Smashing Pumpkins.  She took the last line from the        
Pumpkins' song 'This Time' as her message to Billy Corgan and his mates.    
"As the curtain falls, we bid you all goodnight," it read.
                  
"I saw it coming," says Davidson of the Pumpkins' impending breakup.
     
"Personally, I don't think it's a good idea."
   
(then right below)

PUMPKIN PUREE
                                                       
That wasn't a sentiment shared by some other people.  This exchange between  
two girls was heard on the LRT ride to the stadium:

Girl 1: "I hate the Smashing Pumpkins"

Girl 2: "But this is their last show"

Girl 1: "Good.  Maybe they'll all die"

Gosh, kids say the darndest things.

The Vancouver set list was posted already, The Edmonton set list is exactly  
the same except they played Mayonaise instead of Drown.
 
Farewell & Goodnight,

Gabrielle Davidson